Timehop is a magical app. Most of the time. Sometimes it brings back wonderful memories that have been long forgotten. Sometimes those memories are tinged with pain and sadness. It has a way of exposing just how repetitive life is from year to year, showing posts from annual events and seasonal habits. Today, it brought back a tough memory from a time when my oldest son’s autism was a bigger challenge. We were in a transitional time, having moved to Minnesota from Arizona. It was a return home for my husband and I, but it was a new place for our kids. This post is from my old blog, which was an outlet for me during a tough time navigating the ASD world.
Struggling with Change
This morning I had a tough time watching Alex struggle with change. We have been attending a variety of churches over the summer, primarily dependent on where we happened to be on a Sunday morning. We have on numerous occasions gone to a lovely church in Austin – Faith Evangelical Free Church. We went this morning to discover that the routine had definitely changed. All summer, Alex had gone into the nursery with Michael- no problem. They even looked forward to it. So when we walked in and saw that the preschoolers were in their own room, I was a bit unsure of how this would go.
After dropping Michael off, I took Alex to his new room. He immediately started having a meltdown- crying, throwing things, and yelling “no!” So, I stayed there with him. I also felt at such a loss for being able to provide for his needs that I started crying. I was embarrassed, frustrated, and was acutely aware of the fact that I am not around enough to fully know what to do in this kind of situation. I felt helpless and alone.
So, between Todd and myself, we sat out in the entryway and watched part of the service on a screen while working to console our son. As we sat there, a lovely woman asked me if she could give me a hug. I said yes, and truly had a God moment, knowing that this is what a Christian community does- even for newcomers. She gave me her name and number, asked for mine, and provided me with some other moms of children with autism within their church community.
I felt so grateful for the acknowledgement that sometimes, life is so much bigger than ourselves and we need to accept the grace of those around us.
With about 15 minutes left, Alex was finally ready to go back in and play. We went in with him- just in case. While he wasn’t visibly paying attention to the bible story, I knew he was hearing the teacher’s words as he repeated them back to me. We managed to slide out of the room with about 5 minutes left- a tiny victory for an emotionally draining morning.
5 years later…
While we do not attend that church, I am thankful for that experience even though it was tough and I felt the mommy failure so strongly that morning. And God has a way of putting the right people in your path at the right moment. That mom who showed me such kindness? Her husband is Alex’s special education teacher at school. I am not sure she knows just how much of an impact that moment made on me.
Love, Grace, and Friends 