Month: May 2016

The snarky side of me bristles at societal buzzwords fueled by our love for cute hashtags.

How can someone have a tribe? Can you really be feeling #allthefeels? I avoided using those phrases and hashtags as long as I could. Maybe it was an aversion to following the crowd or possibly even a fear that I didn’t really have permission to use them for my benefit; residual feelings from junior high and high school when I definitely wasn’t part of the cool crowd and teenage hierarchy dictated what you can and cannot do or say.

But then, something happened.

I actually found my tribe and felt all the feels.

Several years ago, I was feeling so incredibly lonely. I struggled with friendships, and was afraid to pursue connections with other women my age. I feared their rejection. Because I experienced rejection. I feared saying the wrong thing in my awkwardness. Because I said awkward things that I regretted as soon as they came out of my mouth. I feared getting close enough to be vulnerable. As a result, I did not have someone I could do life with.  I struggled with envy, jealousy, and bitterness. I felt sorry for myself and wallowed in my loneliness.

Finally, I prayed. I prayed for healing in my heart. And God responded in the most unexpected ways.

He moved my family from Phoenix, AZ to Austin, MN. Moving from a metro area of over a million people (surely there had to be a tribe hiding in there somewhere!) to a town of 25,000. I thought I had said goodbye to small towns for good. I thought I had said goodbye to Austin for good. I didn’t see it coming.

Back in Phoenix, I knew I hadn’t found “my tribe.” Sure, I found a few great friends, but I  wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I still felt like an outcast. I didn’t fit in. I was a working mom who wasn’t available for the play dates that cemented lifelong friendships among kids and moms. I also was navigating the world of autism for the first time, which for anyone without a direct connection to it, seemed foreign and solvable simply by changing his diet or trying a metals elimination therapy.

Now in Austin, I am still a working mom navigating the world of autism. I am still awkward and insecure. But there is an added element that wasn’t consistently there before. Prayer. Deep, honest, and “getting real with Jesus” prayer.  I began to seek out Jesus. And not just when things were going well to sing His praises. I started to seek His presence and support even when I felt abandoned and lost. And slowly, God began placing people in my life that I could trust with my heart. Friends that would stand in the gap when I needed extra support. Ladies who I could call at a moment’s notice, and they would be there for me.

And here’s the important part: I will be there for them, too.

It would be easy to just take their support and love. It would be easy to bask in the receiving.  But that kind of tribe would fizzle out faster than a sparkler on the 4th of July. Sure, it is pretty and dazzling. But sparklers are not meant to last forever. They have just enough pizzazz in them to bring short term and shallow joy. If this tribe of mine is going to stand the test of time, I need to be a nurturing and supportive member.

So to my tribe…

I’ve got your backs. I may not be a loud and fierce warrior, but you can call on me, and I will be there with prayer and words of support. Perhaps even a Caribou coffee drink or a walk around the neighborhood. I will hold up your arms when they grow weary. I will fight the good fight with you. That’s what tribes are for. Love you!

I have vivid memories of a file cabinet drawer filled with cereal, crayons and coloring books, and a tiny 6 inch TV that we plugged in to watch Sesame Street as we sat on the flour bags. Many naps were taken there, pulling out sleeping bags from who knows where. The smell of donuts and coffee are permanently etched into my brain, triggering memories that last a lifetime.

After 40 years, my parents are hanging up their hats in the donut and ice cream business. This is a day I was never quite sure would ever come, but here it is. Married May 8, 1976, they went on a brief honeymoon to Clear Lake, IA. The next week, they opened the Mr. Donut in Austin, MN. 3 years later, my brother and I were born, prompting a cute editoral in the Austin Daily Herald about how kids were cheaper by the dozen. Ha!

My childhood was shaped by this store. We spent a lot of time there, helping with cleaning jobs, passing time playing on our dad’s computer, and eventually working in the store. I have distinctive memories of the annual downtown Crazy Days sales, carting donuts, coffee, and lemonade from the store to our little shed on Main Street in a cute wagon wearing our Mr. Donut t-shirts and hats. I recall the insanity of working on the 4th of July while the parade went right in front of the store, selling out of donuts by noon and picking up garbage for hours after the crowds cleared out. I remember going on wedding cake deliveries with my dad, watching him construct elaborate cakes complete with fountains (hello, 80s).

I also remember when my parents told me they were going to change the brand from Mr. Donut to Dunkin Donuts, and along with that came the new and exciting world of Baskin Robbins Ice Cream! I was in middle school, and this felt like an exciting time. Everything was new and fancy.

I remember working part time during my high school years. Back then, smoking was still allowed in restaurants. Every afternoon, there would be a group of older gentlemen sitting at the coffee bar, chain smoking and having their usual daily orders.

A coffee with two creamers and an old fashioned donut.

Coffee, black, and a maple long john.

A medium Mountain Dew with a Boston Creme.

I knew all their orders by heart and treasured the 25¢ tips they would leave me. I also perfected my favorite treats- a couple chocolate donut holes warmed up in the microwave for 10 seconds. Just long enough to be melty and gooey. And I can’t forget the childhood favorites- the infamous donuts on a stick. I can remember putting my nose to the glass of the fancies case, picking out the pink dipped with sprinkles. Once I was making them, they were far less exciting…

The store provided at major life events. Donuts on Christmas morning; a special bunny cake at Easter; and best of all, a tub of my favorite chocolate-peanut butter ice cream at my graduation party and sundaes at my wedding reception. I knew I could always count on these.

While we lived in Phoenix, it was hard to keep up with what was going on at the store. At some point, my parents changed the brand again, now to the current Donut Connection and Kaleidoscoops Ice Cream. When we moved back to town, it was like nothing had changed. Except now, I could go into the store at night and not be recognized as “the boss’s daughter.” Which made me happy.

It is tough to say goodbye to a place that was central to your entire lifetime. A new family is coming in to take the baton. They will form their own family memories in this store. I will look back on life lessons learned, people met, and memories made with contentment for what was. I will cheer on this new family for what they will make their own. My husband jokes that we will also now pay full price…. I think I may have to adjust our “donut budget.” I can’t wait to support the new owners as they make it their own.

Congratulations, Mom and Dad, as you retire and enter a new chapter in your lives. Sleep in. Be lazy. You’ve more than earned it.