#mytribe

The snarky side of me bristles at societal buzzwords fueled by our love for cute hashtags.

How can someone have a tribe? Can you really be feeling #allthefeels? I avoided using those phrases and hashtags as long as I could. Maybe it was an aversion to following the crowd or possibly even a fear that I didn’t really have permission to use them for my benefit; residual feelings from junior high and high school when I definitely wasn’t part of the cool crowd and teenage hierarchy dictated what you can and cannot do or say.

But then, something happened.

I actually found my tribe and felt all the feels.

Several years ago, I was feeling so incredibly lonely. I struggled with friendships, and was afraid to pursue connections with other women my age. I feared their rejection. Because I experienced rejection. I feared saying the wrong thing in my awkwardness. Because I said awkward things that I regretted as soon as they came out of my mouth. I feared getting close enough to be vulnerable. As a result, I did not have someone I could do life with.  I struggled with envy, jealousy, and bitterness. I felt sorry for myself and wallowed in my loneliness.

Finally, I prayed. I prayed for healing in my heart. And God responded in the most unexpected ways.

He moved my family from Phoenix, AZ to Austin, MN. Moving from a metro area of over a million people (surely there had to be a tribe hiding in there somewhere!) to a town of 25,000. I thought I had said goodbye to small towns for good. I thought I had said goodbye to Austin for good. I didn’t see it coming.

Back in Phoenix, I knew I hadn’t found “my tribe.” Sure, I found a few great friends, but I  wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I still felt like an outcast. I didn’t fit in. I was a working mom who wasn’t available for the play dates that cemented lifelong friendships among kids and moms. I also was navigating the world of autism for the first time, which for anyone without a direct connection to it, seemed foreign and solvable simply by changing his diet or trying a metals elimination therapy.

Now in Austin, I am still a working mom navigating the world of autism. I am still awkward and insecure. But there is an added element that wasn’t consistently there before. Prayer. Deep, honest, and “getting real with Jesus” prayer.  I began to seek out Jesus. And not just when things were going well to sing His praises. I started to seek His presence and support even when I felt abandoned and lost. And slowly, God began placing people in my life that I could trust with my heart. Friends that would stand in the gap when I needed extra support. Ladies who I could call at a moment’s notice, and they would be there for me.

And here’s the important part: I will be there for them, too.

It would be easy to just take their support and love. It would be easy to bask in the receiving.  But that kind of tribe would fizzle out faster than a sparkler on the 4th of July. Sure, it is pretty and dazzling. But sparklers are not meant to last forever. They have just enough pizzazz in them to bring short term and shallow joy. If this tribe of mine is going to stand the test of time, I need to be a nurturing and supportive member.

So to my tribe…

I’ve got your backs. I may not be a loud and fierce warrior, but you can call on me, and I will be there with prayer and words of support. Perhaps even a Caribou coffee drink or a walk around the neighborhood. I will hold up your arms when they grow weary. I will fight the good fight with you. That’s what tribes are for. Love you!